Cry.

Wednesday, November 21, 2018

Now, I'm listening to Jika by Melly Goeslow and yet, it seems these days my music is kind of classic and a little melancholy, anyway Jika used to be my ear worm when I was little. Like,....who cares is it? Hahahaha... so I come back here to check out my blog stats and my instinct was right! IT WENT SLUMPED ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜ But that isn't topic I'm going to talk about. Actually, there's something has brought me here, which is something related to Apip.

Remember my childhood friend Apip? yeah, we had conversations just now in Whatsapp, stumbled upon every little things. Hahahaha….back to the main point, he told me that he is 'sakit', and guess what??,..... The first thing that came to mind upon thinking about the word 'sakit' was.... he diagnosed for having cancer! Then, there was a dramatic pause between us before his big announcement. I burst into tears and it was a reflex action! BUT, the real thing is he didn't. Yeah, at the moment I urged him for telling the truth if he is really sakit and I feel so stupid hahaha nailed it ain!

It's such confusing at the moment when you started to cry over someone like Apip. A. Conscious. Control. Of course, I would cry for him as he's the only boy friend I've still keep in touch after 12 y/o. The last time we contacted was during Eid 2018 and yesterday was our awkward conversations over past few months. Little thing like Arab has bringing our friendship bloom and vibrant but of course it would be definitely awkward if I have some feelings for him and vice versa. 

A pic taken by Apip, when he was playing tourist in Mesir. I wish to be here too, heehehe

Uh hello we are good friends ok. 

Back to our conversations, I asked him in Whatsapp with an open mind and full of consideration. "So ummm, kau sakit apa, pip?"

He refused to tell me the truth, cuz he said I will make fun of him. 

CUTE, but I wouldn't, because I considered we were handling a serious matter. How can I make a fool of you for now, Apip.

So after so many attempts, I finally made it, pujuk dia and yeap, his scapula got extra bone and he loss of appetite from the effects of this sakit for the whole 3 months after back to Malaysia. That's what he was been told by the doctor so far. Then, the doctor referred him to Hospital Putrajaya to do MRI (Magnetic Resonance Imaging) but he refused to do so since he need to follow up his studies back in Mesir. 

So, to Apip, get well soon  ๐Ÿ’ช๐Ÿ’ช

P/S; pls don't make me cry over you, AGAIN.

KPM-UTHM games 2018

Sunday, November 4, 2018

They said the month of October is considered the most depressing month. The commitment between two —classes and silat tournament reaaallyy threw me off the track. Both need to be settled down at the end of October and i cant make it on time for those grouping assignments, english presentation, midterm, lab report and such. The pain, anxiety, stress and fatigue have driven me crazy since i refused to join KPM-UTHM international silat game in the first place and i wasnt prepare myself physically and mentally for a week stressful of a training center. Ughhhh, the 7.30am jog every morning had turned me into a monster but yet nothing i can do except finishing what i've been started.

So, i leave you guys with these pictures below, hehe :)


i wasnt prepare myself to join the game but yeah, here i went.


you got to, believe me, Intan's photography level is the max!


Again, it was Intan asked us to lay on the pebbles for a sake of good pic


Here's the team. We made two golds and a silver




Next game will be at UKM!

Yes! No one owes him for being NICE.

Sunday, September 30, 2018

Best read with a background music of video below — New Light by John Mayer (covered by Jot Singh)  



The guilt inside me was ripping apart when i discovered the truth about the confession of a forging case from A. Faiz. He could all deducted 10% marks for chemistry lab report or worse — got into detention by the Faculty Affairs. BUT, but believe in me, the biggest plot twist ever happened that completely saved everyone's life in the class.

Danial.
It took me a while to get a handle on his character. Ambiguous to the max which i think i had this much-misunderstood by his simple act of kindness as well as his well-played ignorant game in the presence of me. Now, this is my speculation but i’m almost certain that i’m right when i say that he probably felt some pure bond to me and A. Faiz very, very deep down.

Friendship.
It wasnt just a favor when he did make an ultimate sacrifice to help any way he could to protect A. Faiz but also me. And after all this time, he was exceedingly an unsung hero, neither be praised nor be celebrated, tried his best doing good deeds without expecting something in return which in my perspective has transformed himself from being a random guy to the bravest man i ever knew in my degree years. 


Oh, you don’t think twice ‘bout me, 
And maybe you’re right to doubt me, but
But if you give me just one night,
You’re gonna see me in a new light — New Light, John Mayer


Doubt.
I personally doubt him in the first place for no reason at all. His coldly sarcastic annoyed me much when we were texting but he got to be an assertive young man when it comes to serious matter. Not sure about his brain but, he did beat me in every exams. I got to be opened up that we were in a platonic friendship — to be just friends without the Drama. At the moment he decided to go for SBL we rarely speak to each other but rather than just texting via Whatsapp and Messenger, replied to only important messages.

“The tongue is sharper than a sword.”— Ali ibn Abi Talib

A tongue has no bones but it's strong enough to break a heart. it was a slip of tongue when we fell into arguments. We picked fights and argued and said things, then we went silent. These arguments were the sole reasons for me to doubt him. Words hurt but silence kills, is it? 

Downhill.
At most young, hot-blooded men thing, he acted like he didnt care about things happened between us and started to ignore this-kind-of platonic friendship. But i believed in Lana Del Rey -- "a man's ego is just as fragile as a woman's heart" and there was a kindred spirit there as well: he was the one behind the scene, all this time protecting both of us from being caught red-handed. He really did care of us in his own way as well as Severus Snape in deep abiding love for Lily Evans.

Image result for severus and lily doe arts

This is the way i see in Danial, he's probably the bravest and the loyalest man i ever knew.

Rampas

Saturday, September 29, 2018

So these past few days i went to Bachok, Kelantan with A. Faiz, being his loyal supporter ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜ in iMac Young Motivator Competition and during the event, we were entertained by the boys band (i honestly forgot their each member's name), singing to Akim & The Majistret's newest single, RAMPAS. 



Back home, i found it on Youtube. Well, Rampas was really getting into my head! Lagu Akim semua tak pernah tak sedap and Rampas has turned out to be my earworm that continually repeats in my mind. 

CHORUS;

Rampas semua, 
Badanku belahlah dua,
Ambil semua ku ada,
Ikutkan sahaja hati,
Atau apa yang kau rasa.

And now, it's stuck in my head

Like peas in a pod.

Friday, September 21, 2018

Still on Day 14 at uni, the Wednesday was full load of classes from 9am to 5pm which was a real drag at the moment, including three hours of microbiology lab session at 2pm. And i barely had a glass of teh ais during lunch since i couldnt make it on time if i took heavy meals, pastu nanti tak sempat nak habiskan makanan and solat zohor within an hour of lunch break. Alasan clichรฉ seorang student.

Later in the evening, my two colleagues were asking me if i wanted to join them lepak plus food hunting in the cafรฉ cuz they only had snacks dan saya tak sentuh nasi langsung dari pagi tadi. Kesian3. (semua benda nak bagitau kat sini, GEDIK!)

Err,..shall i go straight to the point?? indeed, the pleasure is all mine.

Ok. I know this one guy by his name. People, meet The-Guy-With-A-Gummy-Smile. When i call him “The-Guy-With-A-Gummy-Smile”, apparently he has too much gum tissues shows above his top teeth whenever he smiles or known as gingival display in doctor speak, cewahh

Which is not the main point of today's post to be honest. Like who's even care if he has that kind of gum, right?

Speaking of the guy, we are classmates, i know his name, he knows mine, we both live in Selangor, we made some friends of the same person we befriended, bla bla bla and poof! We are acquainted. Yes he’s happened to be my acquaintance cuz I prefer acquaintance and have absolutely nothing to do with him. We have been talked like few times during grouping assignment in semester 1 but not even exchanged smiles.

So in the class, everyone thought The-Guy-With-A-Gummy-Smile is charming, a star athlete, playing basketball at uni and at the same time he's brainy. He’s freaking famous that any girl in my class as well as girls from other courses could fall for him. Except me, i’ve no offense but i dont even care of his existence in the class. Weird girl i think.

The fact that he is so used to minding his own business and apart of me, want to be feminine energy, *berfikiran cetek* *lelaki sepatutnya tegur perempuan dulu* *alasan perigi mesti mencari timba* *suka buat hal sendiri* memang taklah nak tegur dulu. Back to the point, we have been getting into the same group, working on biochem experiment in lab, group presentation, video and such, but we never talked to each other cuz there was something that wasnt right about him or perhaps it was all about myself having such huge ego??

Something refreshing The-Guy-With-A-Gummy-Smile had ever did was, he was the one who made a move between us. Asking proper question -- "kau duduk mana wei?", "kau ok ke?" and texted me for the first time via whatsapp, minta maaf untuk hal sekian3 which i thought it was only a small matter and he supposed didnt have to minta maaf kot cuz yeah, i know where i stand. Being women are complicated, "dah minta maaf pun salah, tak minta maaf pun salah, kau nak apa sebenarnya ain atiqah?"

And i just found out the answer is within me, for being too much GARANG towards him (that’s what Sarah ever told me before)

The fact why i haven't shown any interest in greeting The-Guy-With-A-Gummy-Smile is because he reminds me of someone resembled him. Like two peas in a pod. Remember my highschool teacher?? The world is getting smaller as they resemble to each other. I dont know if they are related, perhaps they got to be distance relatives or else but i just cant make a move when he's around.

Sarah who used to be the only girl The-Guy-With-A-Gummy-Smile close to, or i should say WAS, said that we do share the similar personality traits -- keras kepala, degil, suka buat hal sendiri. Again i thought we are cut from the same cloth, both acting in a very similar way :p

i'm not sure if we are like peas in a pod since we are slightly differ from physical characteristic (except both being nerdy and wearing specs) but surely as similar as character. I just feel the need to write about this on blog just in case i've forgotten WE are acting in very similar way that we become disguised to ourselves.

Unconditional love

Friday, September 14, 2018

The truth is i still cant over their bright faces in one picture :)

I stumbled upon this picture posted by my cousin, Kak Yuyu on her Facebook last week and i feel blessed for the incomplete gathering of Ibu's siblings on Kak Yaya's wedding in Kelantan. There's Ibu, wearing blue kurung on the left, followed by Mak Andak, Pak Dahlan, Mak Long and Pak Imi on the right.

Nota kaki: lepas ni jangan masam2 muka lagi ek

lots of love,
your niece, Ain Atiqah 

A place to call home

Sunday, September 9, 2018

i'm in my bed, tossing and turning around thinking of what have ibu and ayah been up to? What have Ayoi and Anis been doing recently? Are they certainly can survive without playing Fortnite on ipad since i brought it with me in this semester and also my bro, Iqbal. Can he really get his lazy ass out of couch immediately, helping ibu in the kitchen? Uuh well, the night thoughts are killing me right now.

A place to call home

I left home with a contented heart full of love and have been missing home badly in less than 24 hours. I always wanted to go home no matter how hard it was to cope with the tight schedule of mine, cuz it's always feel good to be back at home, looking at all those familiar faces again. I miss to pick fights with Ayoi, as if he would remain calm and patient with typical immature behaviour in me, though he's the youngest. And i miss to interrupt Anis playing Fornite on ipad at night before we both going to bed.

Ayoi and Anis buat-buat muka during Eid 2018

Speaking of the family, i almost forget to mention that i've been missing these three cute little kittens; Alap, Oyin otherwise known Lemonade and Uteh. They are already a month if i am not mistaken and they are all doing good with their cat's senses, smelling for solid food instead of mommy's milk, playing around with hooman and effortlessly climbing the box to explore the outside world. No wonder there's a proverb saying curiosity kills the cat but satisfaction brought be back.

The Sleeping Alap

The Sleeping Oyin Lemonade

The Sleeping Uteh


Speaking of cat, i miss mak too. Ooh well, mak refers to the mommy cat, not my ibu ok. Hahahaha i know, there are lot of names to choose from, but i ended up choosing the name "mak"?? Hahaha it was Ayoi keep calling the mommy cat as mak and yet Ayah does call her as mak as well. I dont know why Ayoi keep calling her mak, perhaps mak is so motherly to her kittens and she would take care of her babies with her warm hugs like these pictures below.

Kasih ibu sampai ke syurga

 

Back to mak, there was a day, she welcomed us home with excitement by running towards us asking for food and she seemed to understand what ibu had been told her about leaving the kittens at home the other day we off to kampung for a few days.

Comel kan mak? 

There's no place like home that I get to eat ibu's cooking and there's no place like home when Ayah would play his guitar, listening to his jam on youtube, playing Candy Crush Soda on ipad and helping ibu to cook udang masak goreng kunyit in the kitchen :(

Home sweet home, it always feels good to be back at home.


p/s; well, for now i have to live off-campus in order to give a way for the freshmen to stay in. Dalam terpaksa aku relakan.
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